Wednesday, October 15, 2008

"I can feel it coming back again..."

To quote a song from my college days... "I can feel it coming back again/like a rolling thunder chasing the wind//forces pulling from the center of the earth again." Live, Lightening Crashes.

Although my best friend Susan and I liked to sing that one at the top of our lungs are we piloted her sky-blue Omni through the streets of that tiny town we thought we owned, we never could figure out exactly what the lyrics were about. Something with birth and death and angels. But the refrain was so haunting that it didn't matter.

Now I'm walking around with those lyrics in my head. And a tiredness in my hands when I type or try to answer questions on a test. And a pain just below my kneecap. And a swelling in my right foot. I slept close to 40 of the last 72 hours.

Maybe it's nothing. Little to no sleep, standing in shoes that I knew were bad for me. But every since my remicaid was cut off, I wait for the flare to begin again. It's like I know it's there -- just waiting on me to let my guard down, to be happy at my job and at my life... the other shoe is always there. Except in this case, it's a high heeled one that was spectacularly stupid of me to wear.

Maybe I'm wrong and it's all a change of the weather.

I never used to be this scared of it before.

No comments: